Not Everything Needs Fixing
Feb 05, 2026There’s a moment most parents recognize.
Your child is struggling.
They’re frustrated. Stuck. Maybe upset.
And everything in you wants to step in and make it better.
That instinct makes sense. We’re wired to protect, to ease discomfort, to help our kids succeed.
But over time, constantly fixing can send a message we don’t mean to send:
This is too hard for you. You need me to do it.
Regulation Comes First
When kids are dysregulated, they can’t think clearly. Their bodies are busy managing big feelings, not solving problems.
That’s why the first step isn’t fixing — it’s regulation.
Staying calm.
Naming what’s happening.
Letting them know you’re there.
Simple phrases like:
- “That’s not working, is it?”
- “Yeah, that’s frustrating.”
- “Do you want help, or do you want to try first?”
These don’t solve the problem.
They help the nervous system settle enough for thinking to come back online.
The Difference Between Support and Fixing
Support looks like:
- staying nearby
- offering help without taking over
- trusting your child to try again
Fixing looks like:
- jumping in immediately
- doing it faster or “the right way”
- ending the discomfort as quickly as possible
Fixing might feel helpful in the moment — but support is what builds long-term confidence.
Why Letting Kids Struggle (A Little) Matters
Struggle isn’t failure.
Frustration isn’t a problem to eliminate.
These moments are where kids learn:
- I can keep going.
- I can try something different.
- I don’t have to give up when it’s hard.
When we stay calm and resist the urge to fix, we’re telling our kids:
I believe you can handle this — and I’m here if you need me.
A Gentle Reminder
This isn’t about never helping.
It’s about pausing long enough to ask:
- Is my child asking for help?
- Or am I trying to make this easier for me?
Sometimes helping is exactly what’s needed.
Sometimes the most supportive thing we can do is wait.
Not everything needs fixing.
Some things need patience, trust, and time.
When we slow down and stay regulated ourselves, we give our kids the space to grow — not by avoiding hard things, but by learning how to move through them.
That’s where resilience lives.
—Ms. Paige
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